


The Sound of Silence

by Hadespuppy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Winchester Character Study, Episode: s11e17 Red Meat, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadespuppy/pseuds/Hadespuppy
Summary: Dean can't get the sight of Sam dead on the floor, and the dreadful silence that came with it, out of his head.





	The Sound of Silence

The whole way back to the bunker, Dean had to keep himself from glancing over at Sam in the passenger seat, or reaching for his brother’s shoulder just to reassure himself that he was really there. As much as relief had flooded through him when Sam had appeared and shot werewolf-Dan, he could still feel the emptiness that had filled him when he saw Sam’s body unmoving on the floor of the cabin. 

When they finally got home, Sam was pale, and he accepted Dean’s help down the stairs and to his room with a minimal amount of protest. Dean fetched him a glass of water to wash down his pills, and once assured that Sam didn’t need anything and was in fact going to go to bed and rest, went to his own room. He was exhausted, too tired even to shower the road off before slipping into sleep pants and a soft t-shirt and crawling into bed. He may not have been in as bad of shape as Sam, but he had technically been dead not too long ago, and while that was not nearly as uncommon an occurrence as he would like, it had still left him drained. 

Or maybe that was losing Sam. Again.

Dean turned over on his perfect memory foam mattress, unable to get comfortable. He thought about jerking off, but all the Busty Asian Beauties that flitted through his mind paled and turned to Sam, lying still and cold on the ground. 

It was too quiet in his room, that was the problem. All his life, he had slept in motel rooms and cheap rentals, with the myriad of noises that implied; rattling air conditioners and groaning pipes competing with noisy neighbours and highway noise. Hunters had to learn to sleep anywhere and wake at the first out of place sound, and Dean was no exception. When they had moved into the bunker, with its layers of warding and its thick walls muffling any sound, Dean had luxuriated in the silence and slept more soundly than he probably had at any other time in his life. But tonight it was oppressive, and Dean could feel a cold dread seeping out from his chest. 

If they had been on the road, Dean could have rolled over and watched Sam sleep until he passed out himself, but Sam was down the hall in his own bed where he belonged, and Dean wouldn’t disturb his much needed rest for anything short of mortal peril. 

Dean sighed and threw back the blankets. Staring wide eyed into the dark of his room wasn’t getting him anywhere, and closing his eyes only brought images of dark blood on Sam’s too pale skin, and the sound of Billie’s refusal echoing in his silent room. He padded down the hall, thinking idly of grabbing a snack or maybe a shower. 

Instead he found himself outside Sam’s door. He paused with one hand on the handle. This was stupid. The doctors had said Sam would be fine with some rest and regular doses of the meds they had given him. But still he couldn’t shake the feeling that had taken hold of him in the quiet of his room. So he turned the handle as gently as he could, wincing slightly at the creak of the hinge as he opened the door. 

He needn’t have worried. Sam was sleeping the deep sleep that came of exhaustion, injury, and chemical assistance. Dean stayed in the doorway, just watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. Some of the tension he had been carrying fell away, the cold bleeding out of him enough that he was able to resist the urge to continue into the room, to touch Sam, maybe even wrap himself around his little brother in a way that he hadn’t done since they were still small enough to be sharing a bed. 

He wanted to hold Sam close until he was absolutely sure that nothing else bad would happen to him. That he would heal and together they would get Cas back and defeat the Darkness, and then everything would be okay. Instead he pulled the door to and sank down against the wall next to it. He let his head fall back against the cool wall and listened to Sam breathe; to the slight snuffling sound he made as he shifted in his sleep. It was as familiar to him as the rumble of Baby’s engine. He didn’t know what he would have done without Sam, if Billie had made good on her promise to Reap him permanently, and it wasn’t just about saving the world and defeating Amara. 

He had long ago given up any hope of living a normal life, and he was more or less happy with the life he had. But that life only worked with Sam at his side; the two of them against the things that go bump in the night. Without his brother, he didn’t really see the point of carrying on. After everything, they were a team, and Dean needed his little brother. Sam probably wouldn’t understand, which is why Dean had no intention of telling him about what he had done when he thought Sam was dead. Sam would only freak out at him “throwing his life away,” and demand that Dean find a way to live without him, and of course Dean would, because he could never deny Sam when it really came down to it. But even so, if he had to do it over again, he would do the exact same thing in a heartbeat, just like he always had.  

Dean closed his eyes and tried to focus on the steady sound of Sam breathing through the crack in the door. It helped a little to keep the dark thoughts and loneliness at bay. If he wasn’t going to be sleeping anyway, he might as well stay here, just in case Sam needed anything in the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> I heard the Disturbed cover of Sound of Silence around the same time as I saw this episode, and they fit together so well I couldn't get it out of my head. Since I have no vidding talents, I started writing a fic, and promptly left it to wallow in a forgotten notebook. I had planned to add more, but upon rereading it, I think it's good just the way it is. 
> 
> Emme Rose managed to pluck the video right out of my head, it can be found [here.](https://youtu.be/O7zVZ11Wt-k)
> 
> Comments are love, concrit welcome.


End file.
